Huddersfield Town 7 (SEVEN) Brighton & Hove Albion 1

Everybody loves sitting in front of the television, watching the results from around the country pour in and one of those games pops up where the vidiprinter has to spell out the score.

You know the type. When a team nets a number of goals so utterly ridiculous that the results service has to clarify that what it’s saying has happened has actually happened and it’s not a fault with the technology.

Like on Tuesday 18th August 2009 for example, when the results tracker read Huddersfield Town 7 (SEVEN) Brighton and Hove Albion 1. Brighton’s heaviest defeat in 36 years no less, since Bristol Rovers came to the Goldstone and beat Brian Clough’s side 8-2.

As the goals flew in, it almost became a case of willing Huddersfield to score more in the hope that the club record 9-0 defeat to Middlesbrough of 1958 was eclipsed, just to say “I was there.”

It was one of those evenings when things got so embarrassing that you had to laugh. There was little point in getting angry about the the fact that you’d taken a day off work, travelled 252 miles the length of the country and wouldn’t be home until 4am, only to see your side ship seven goals. That’s why people were posing for a photo with the scoreboard perched above the away stand of the Galpham Stadium by the end.

Those who made the journey to Kirkless that day did so in hope more than expectation. The 2009-10 season was three games old and Brighton were yet to score a goal. The opening day had seen a 1-0 home defeat against Walsall which was followed by a 3-0 defeat in the League Cup away at Swansea City and a 0-0 draw at Brentford.

In contrast, Huddersfield under Lee Clark were one of the division’s outstanding teams, playing good attacking football. They’d hammered Southampton 3-1 at home three days previously. A side who could score for fun against a side who couldn’t score for love nor money nor a £300,000 new striker in Liam Dickinson was always likely to result in a defeat.

But nobody could have imagined how bad it was going to be. Especially after the first 35 minutes in which the Albion were actually the better side. It’s a very Brighton thing to do to go away to one of the best teams in the division, batter them for a third of the game and still manage to lose 7-1.

Russell Slade’s plan was simple. He picked a very solid looking 4-5-1 to combat the threat posed by Anthony Pilkington and Gary Roberts down the flanks for the Terriers. It worked a treat as the Albion had more possession, earned three early corners and the natives became increasingly restless as their side were outplayed.

It was very much against the run of play when Huddersfield took the lead with their first meaningful attack, Pilkington crossing for Antony Kay to head past Michel Kuipers. No bother, 13 minutes later and the Albion were back on level terms after an excellent strike from Dickinson with a right footed drive from an Andrew Crofts header. His first goal of the season, Brighton’s first goal of the season. Now we were up and running. Or so we thought.

If the Terriers fans were getting ready for another whinge at being pegged back, they needn’t have bothered as that was as good as it got for the Albion. Huddersfield retook the lead instantly through Peter Clarke and then the catalyst for the collapse occurred, Michel Kuipers finding himself sent off in comical fashion.

This was the era when Adam El-Abd was good for at least one catastrophic back pass per month and he didn’t disappoint on what was his first start of the season, playing a woefully under hit ball back to Kuipers. Needless to say the Former Dutch Marine was absolutely startled by what was going on in front of him and he came charging out like a bull in a china shop to wipe out Lee Novak who, as a result of El-Abd’s spectacular cock up, had been left through one-on-one.

Referee Neil Swarbrick was left with no choice but to point to the spot and dismiss Kuipers. Remarkably, Kuipers then spent the next five minutes screaming at the referee, waving his arms around like an out of control windmill and refusing to leave the field play. Eventually, he was shepherded off by several of his teammates with Graeme Smith coming on to make his Albion debut in goal at the expense of another debutant, midfielder Jamie Smith.

Ah, Graeme Smith. Graeme has of course passed into folklore as one of the worst goalkeepers in Albion history, but the poor bloke never really stood a chance given his first appearance probably gave him post traumatic stress disorder.

Before he’d had his first touch in an Albion shirt he’d managed to get himself booked for picking the ball up off the spot and carrying it to his goal line, which must be some sort of record. Despite all the commotion going on with Kuipers’ kicking off and Smith’s shenanigans leading to what must have been a 10 minute delay from penalty award to the kick being taken, Novak managed to keep his composure and fired home from 12 yards for 3-1.

There was one bright spot in the second half when Smith kept out a second Huddersfield penalty, this time from Jordan Rhodes who’d been brought down in the box by Andy Whing. It was a fantastic save from the former Motherwell man and at that point, it looked like Slade might have pulled off a good bit of business in the transfer market when it came to Smith. 23 conceded from his next nine appearances before he was packed back off to Scotland on a free transfer to Hibernian in one of Gus Poyet’s first acts as Albion manager soon contradicted that view.

Smith’s save offered only brief respite as – cue the Benny Hill theme music – Huddersfield scored four times in the final 25 minutes. Substitute Theo Robinson got their fourth on 64, Danny Drinkwater the fifth on 69 and Robinson the sixth on 71. With 20 minutes still remaining and Huddersfield tearing the Albion apart at will by this point, that record loss against Boro from some 40 years ago looked well within sight.

Unfortunately for those of us of a macabre disposition who were looking forward to one day telling the Grandchildren, “I was there when Brighton lost by double figures away at Huddersfield,” the flow was stemmed after that and the Terriers only managed to put one more past Smith, Robinson scoring in stoppage time to round off his side’s magnificent seven and complete his hat-trick from the bench.

Smith wasn’t the only one suffering from PTSD afterwards. Slade gave a shell-shocked post-match interview in which he was unable to get his words out, mumbling to the camera, “It was a horrendous night for me as a manager, for the team and for the club.

“I didn’t see that coming and can only apologise. By far the worst night I’ve had in football. I was disappointed with most of the goals we conceded.”

While supporters of most clubs would be apoplectic with rage after a 500 mile round trip for a 7-1 defeat, there were very few questions asked of Slade on the long journey back to Sussex. He had plenty of credit in the bank from the Great Escape of the previous season, enough in fact to ensure he never really suffered any criticism, even just before he was relieved of his duties a little over two months later with the Albion hovering just outside the League One relegation zone.

After all, sometimes you just have to laugh. Huddersfield Town 7 (SEVEN) Brighton & Hove Albion 1 was one of those times.