Brighton & Hove Albion Black Friday – What would Albion players sell?

We’re not exactly sure when Black Friday became a thing in Britain, but over the last few years Brighton and the rest of the nation the nation has been getting more and more obsessed by picking up cheap goods five or so weeks before Christmas.

This got us thinking. What would happen if Brighton and Hove Albion players took over retail shops for Black Friday? What would they sell and what offers would they give away?

Here are 10 ideas…

Primark McGhee

Mark McGhee worked under some of the toughest budget constraints of any Brighton manager, especially given that he spent the majority of his time at the club operating in the second tier. As a result, he came up with weird and wonderful solutions which at the time appeared to be influenced by a significant amount of whiskey. Taking an “Adam Virgo is a striker” approach, Primark McGhee’s Black Friday offers would include selling jumpers as trousers, gloves as socks and a special discount on hair care products for any bald person.

TK Maxximenko

Vitajils Maksimenko arrived at the Amex with high hopes as a talented left back who was already a full Latvian international. He managed just one league game in two-and-a-half seasons with Brighton, and as such TK Maximenko’s Black Friday offers would focus on selling goods from Eastern Europe that have good reputations but actually turn out to be rubbish once you get them back to the home.
 

WH Gordon Smith

Gordon Smith played over 100 times for the Albion, scoring 22 goals including one in the 1983 FA Cup Final against Manchester United. Unfortunately, he will always be more remembered for the “And Smith must score…” miss in the final minute when he saw his shot saved by the legs of Gary Bailey. WH Gordon Smith’s Black Friday Offers are unmissable – just like that one-on-one…
 

Woolworthingtons

Flamboyant Frank Worthington spent one season at the Goldstone Ground in 1984-85, scoring eight goals from 35 appearances. In recognition of his career as a playboy footballer who loved to drink, gamble and womanise – his autobiography was cheekily called One Hump or Two? – Woolworthingtons would offer nothing but knocked down alcohol on Black Friday.
 

Curries

Signing Darren Currie on a free transfer and then flogging him to Ipswich Town for £250,000 after just four months of outstanding performances is one of the Albion’s best ever bargain deals. It is only right then that he should get involved with our Brighton Black Friday at Darren Curries, who will give away all electrical items for free with the caveat that you can only use them for four months before having to sell them to a richer person.
 

Holland & Jarrett

Albert Jarrett impressed McGhee when playing for Lewes in a pre-season friendly against the Seagulls. He subsequently signed a three year deal with the Albion which yielded a grand total of 23 games and one goal before he was released on a free. Holland & Jarrett’s Black Friday offer would be local produce with lots of potential at a cheap price, only for it to be absolutely useless after a couple of months.
 

House of Tommy Fraser

We would advise you to take extreme caution before buying any Black Friday goods from the House of Tommy Fraser. Sure, they will work hard but they will be extremely limited in quality and worst of all, if you leave a poor review then you might cop a visit from Tommy Fraser and his enforcer Grandfather Mad Frankie Fraser at the same time.
 

Matalan Blayney

Alan Blayney enjoyed two loan spells with Brighton, playing the final few games of the 2004-05 season and then a handful more in November and December of the following campaigns. As a result, Matalan Blayney aren’t giving you just one Black Friday offer, but two – there will be another one six months down the line. Beware though, all the goods on sale look impressive on the surface but underneath there are plenty of problems which may mean they let you down in the future.
 

Mark Waltonstones

It is hard to imagine temperamental goalkeeper Mark Walton doing much else than moaning about how unfairly people are treating him while eating cake, pasties, chocolate and God knows what else. With that in mind, he could run Mark Waltonstones with a Black Friday offering specialising in cook books and guides of how to play the victim because supporters have turned on you for being shit. Actually, to be fair to Walton he did shift a significant number of stone in the summer of 1999 so there would also be a brief, one hour sale on weight loss and fitness literature as well.
 

Argos Poyet

Want a glass ceiling that can never be broken? Then head on over to Argos Poyet where Gus Poyet can sort you out. No matter how much money you throw at it, whether you sign former England left backs, a Champions League winning goalkeeper or a Spanish playmaker who Real Madrid once wanted to sign for £30m, nothing can ever break through a glass ceiling with Argos involved.