Brighton travel to Saudi-on-Tyne to face the Newcastle Sportswashers
Be careful if you are part of the LGBTQ+ community, get some stones ready to throw and whatever you do, don’t criticise Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman as he might order a hit squad to assassinate and dismember you – Brighton are off to Saudi-on-Tyne to take on Newcastle United.
The great sportswashing project taking place at St James’ Park is well and truly underway. Saudi Arabia have bought Newcastle so that in future, people will associate their country with the success of the Toon Army rather than castrating homosexuals because being gay is a crime, restricting women’s rights and locking up any critics of the regime. See also City, Manchester.
We are set to get a fine example of the sort of crap that sportswashing causes this weekend, similar to City supporting the rainbow laces campaign and Manchester Pride at the same time as Sheikh Mansour is the unelected deputy leader of a nation where punishments for the gay community vary from fines, imprisonments, floggings and sometimes even death.
There is a sick irony that protests will be held at St James’ Park against Russia launching an illegal war, invasion and bombing innocent citizens in Ukraine when Newcastle are owned by a nation state who have been *checks notes* bombing innocent civilians in Yemen as part of a civil war.
The world is a pretty grim place right now, isn’t it? Reading about so much death, suffering and destruction puts 22 blokes kicking a ball around into some perspective.
Rather than stressing over the three defeats in a row that Brighton have suffered, perhaps we should all just try and enjoy watching football with friends? A pleasure denied to the people of Yemen and Ukraine.
Newcastle is certainly a fantastic place to go and have fun. And the contrast between Brighton at home and Brighton away means that those making the long trek to the Toon can do so with more confidence in getting a result than if this match was taking place at the Amex.
Just do not go accepting any invites to the Saudi consulate or you might end up suffering the same fate as Jamal Khashoggi.
Newcastle this season
This has been a season of two halves for Newcastle – pre-blood money and post-blood money. Before January, they had spent the entire campaign rooted in the bottom three and staring the Championship in the face.
Then the transfer window opened. Newcastle put their new found petrodollars to good news by spending the most of any club in Europe, signing proven Premier League performers like Kieran Trippier, Chris Wood and a certain Dan Burn.
The result has been a huge upturn in form. The Toon are unbeaten in the top flight in 2022, hauling themselves up to 14th in the table.
With The Leeds United and Brentford currently in freefall, it sadly appears as though the potentially hilarious prospect of the richest club in the world visiting Luton Town and Barnsley in the Championship is now out of the question.
Team news
Enock Mwepu and Adam Lallana remain sidelined but the biggest blow for Brighton is the continued absence of Adam Webster.
The Albion have looked something of a shambles without Webster in recent weeks. The defender is currently suffering from his annual “minor knock” which goes onto keep him out for two months.
Graham Potter has tried to overcome Webster’s absence by playing a back four in the 3-0 defeat to Burnley followed by using Marc Cucurella as a centre back in the 2-0 loss against Aston Villa.
Five goals conceded, none scored and only two shots in target over the course of 180 minutes tells you that these two plans have gone about as well as running down the central street of Riyadh waving a rainbow flag.
What does Potter do at Newcastle then? It surely has to be a back three of Joel Veltman, Shane Duffy and Lewis Dunk with Tariq Lamptey and Cucurella as wing backs.
Pascal Gross must also have a strong case for inclusion. It is no coincidence that he has been dropped for the past two matches and the Albion have created nothing.
Brighton’s chances of an improved defensive performance will receive a boost by Newcastle’s four absentees all being big attacking threats. Smug Eddie Howe is without the injured Trippier, Matt Ritchie, Callum Wilson and Allan Saint-Maximin.
Key battles
Only four words are needed here. Dan Burn, Chris Wood. We wrote earlier in the week about the Albion’s magnificent record when it comes to seeing former players score against Brighton and Newcastle recruited two such individuals in January.
Following his loan spell with the Albion as part of Gus Poyet He Who Must Not Be Named’s League One title winners, Wood has scored six times past Tomasz Kuszczak, David Stockdale and Maty Ryan.
It would be more of a Typical Brighton moment though if Burn were to grab the winner. The recent downturn in form has seen Albion fans lamenting The People’s Left Back’s sale, making it extremely likely that Burn will pile on further misery – especially as he only managed two goals for Brighton from 85 appearances.
If Brighton can stop the predictable happening and prevent their two former employees scoring, then there is every chance they can come away from Newcastle with something to show for their efforts.
Recent form
The contrasting form guides make for particularly grim reading. Newcastle are in flying form, winning four and drawing two of their past six matches.
Crucially for the Toon, they have come out of some huge six pointers victorious. Fellow strugglers Brentford, Leeds and Everton have all been defeated whilst the fact that Newcastle beat a Villa side who were comfortable winners at the Amex last week is a cause for concern.
- 26/02/22: Brentford 0-2 Newcastle
- 19/02/22: West Ham 1-1 Newcastle
- 13/02/22: Newcastle 1-0 Aston Villa
- 08/02/22: Newcastle 3-1 Everton
- 22/01/22: Leeds 0-1 Newcastle
- 15/01/22: Newcastle 1-1 Watford
In Saudi Arabia, a woman must have the permission of a male guardian to marry, start certain types of business, leave prison or leave a domestic abuse shelter.
The Albion’s recent form has been bad enough to make some fans wish they had to seek permission from their partners to go and watch the Brighton – and that their partners subsequently said no.
Three consecutive defeats with no goals scored, prior to which the Albion had lost only four Premier League games all season.
The good news of course is that Brighton have been defeated just twice on the road, by Manchester United 18 days ago and Villa back in November.
Potter’s Albion tend to perform better against sides who want to attack and Newcastle at home under Smug Eddie will do just that. We hope.
- 26/02/22: Brighton 0-2 Aston Villa
- 19/02/22: Brighton 0-3 Burnley
- 15/02/22: Man United 2-0 Brighton
- 12/02/22: Watford 0-2 Brighton
- 05/02/22: Spurs 3-1 Brighton
- 26/01/22: Leicester 1-1 Brighton
Last time Brighton played Newcastle
It finished 1-1 when Brighton hosted managerless, winless Newcastle at the Amex in November. Leandro Trossard gave the Albion the lead with a first half penalty but the Albion were not very good in the second half and it came as a surprise to nobody when Isaac Hayden equalised.
Things could have become even worse at the death. Robert Sanchez took one for the team by wiping out Wilson as the Newcastle forward ran through, earning a red card.
With Potter having made all his subs, Dunk found himself going in goal for the final two minutes. In that time, the Toon won a free kick in a dangerous position but rather than test Dunk, Lord Voldermort look-a-like Jonjo Shelvey sent the ball harmlessly out of play.
If Shelvey had shown that sort of compassion back in the 1990s, then the wizarding world could have avoided many years of chaos.
Brighton v Newcastle head-to-head
Whisper it more quietly than a Saudi citizen dares criticise their regime for fear of being locked up, but Newcastle are due a win over Brighton.
The Albion are unbeaten in nine games against the Toon since the clubs won promotion from the Championship together in the 2016-17 season.
That has seen Brighton take the lead in the head-to-head with 13 wins compared to the nine of Newcastle. There have been eight draws.
Also notable is the low scoring nature of the fixture. The Seagulls have scored only 30 goals against Newcastle whilst the Toon have only two more.
A reason why Newcastle will win
Are you even a Brighton fan if you not expecting Wood or Burn or in all likelihood both to score? And it is not just the presence of two ex-Seagulls at Newcastle that can tip the tie in the hosts’ favour.
The Albion also have a terrible record against Smug Eddie. During his time as Plucky Little Bournemouth manager, he was constantly delivering results when up against Brighton – most of them completely underserved and with the helping hand of match officials.
Yes, we are still bitter about that penalty awarded for handball in the final minute at Withdean in October 2010. If you know, you know.
A reason why Brighton will win
Hammered by Burnley. Comfortably beaten by Villa. A couple of toothless performances against sides who most would have expected the Albion to take four points at the least from.
It is the Brighton way to follow those catastrophes up with points from much tougher assignments against Newcastle, Liverpool and Spurs.
Newcastle v Brighton betting
Betting on Brighton to draw has not paid for three matches in a row now, something nearly as unheard of as the right to a fair trial in Saudi Arabia.
We are sticking with this tried and trusted technique however and will be backing a stalemate at 11/5. For those wanting to make money from Wood and Burn scoring, then they are available anytime at a respective 27/11 and 16/1.
Predictions
Prediction of score: Newcastle 1-1 Brighton
Prediction of Chis Wood goal time: 19 minutes, 72 minutes
Prediction of Dan Burn goal time: 33 minutes
Will Yves Bissouma clap the fans at the end: No
