Brighton fans be good for goodness sake at West Ham

One of my favourite bits from The Thick of It is the episode when Malcolm Tucker exasperatedly turns to a hapless cabinet minister who has just messed up a television appearance and says: “Who did your media training, Myra Hindley?”. I thought of this moment when that email dropped warning Brighton supporters about bad behaviour at West Ham United.

The general purpose of the email seemed fair enough. Don’t throw beer. Nobody wants to get covered in watered down Fosters on a cold December afternoon.

Don’t try and jump 10 rows in front when (or more likely, if) the Albion score. Unnecessary ‘surging’ can be dangerous when there are no barriers of the type you find in safe standing areas to stop people toppling over seats.

Yes, there is a certain amount of irony over one of the last, most unwilling clubs in the Premier League to finally adopt safe standing telling fans over about surging when this is precisely what safe standing prevents.

The general gist of the email was don’t be a twat, basically. And there are some twats in the Brighton fan base. As there are every football club.

A lot of us would be honest enough to admit that when we 18, 19, or 20-years-old and drank too much beer at an away day, we were those twats.

But the way said email was worded warning Brighton supporters about “bad behaviour” and its overall tone? Terrible. It came across as patronising, condescending and lecturing.

Like a teacher warning the Year 6s about stealing the Year 4s football at lunch time. Rather than a Premier League football club communicating with grown adults spending money and giving up time on the final Saturday before Christmas to support their team.

Brighton of course have form for this sort of communication. Whilst you can almost understand the intention behind it, they way the club go about it simply serves to rile fans up the wrong way.

Any season ticket holder who has not attended a game at the Amex this season will have received the vaguely threatening ‘reminder’ to put your seat on the exchange or find a friend, family member or colleague willing to pay £36 to become a MyAlbion+ Member to pass it onto.

This email combined with the number of empty seats at most home games suggests the season ticket sharing scheme is not working. One way to improve it would be dropping the rule that seats can only be shared with MyAlbion+ Members.

Brian from accounts or your brother-in-law who prefers rugby does not want to pay £36 to become a MyAlbion+ member to watch one game of an Albion team they do not support. What they will do though is fill the seat and spend money on beer and food inside the stadium.

Unfortunately, collecting the data of a MyAlbion+ member and getting that £36 is more important to a club which received £155.2 million from broadcasting revenue in the most recent set of published accounts from the 2022-23 season.

Anyway, the whole season ticket sharing thing and shitty email which now forms a part of it is another piece of WAB clickbait for another time.

Back to the West Ham v Brighton email. “We will be increasing our own monitoring through extra liaison with other clubs and the vigilance of our own travelling stewards. The club will not hesitate to impose sanctions on any supporter who misbehaves in the future.”

In addition to the tone being misjudged, it is rounded off with a nice flavour of North Korea is watching you. And will punish you accordingly.

Celebrate a goal too viciously = public execution in front of the new Fanzone when it opens. Visibly judged to have had more than half a shandy before the game = 10 years in the gulag.

Heard swearing at the referee = Lifetime ban. Crack a smile = 100 loyalty point deduction and write a 1500 word essay on why looking happy at football is unacceptable.

"What you in for?"

"Murder. You?"

"Celebrated Brighton scoring a goal at West Ham" #BHAFC pic.twitter.com/R3tiTUrWc2

— We Are Brighton (@wearebrighton) December 18, 2024

Seeking an even more dramatic angle, The Argus added in their report of the email: “Concerns surrounding football hooliganism have been raised since the end of Covid-19 lockdowns and the violent disorder surrounding the Euro 2020 final at Wembley Stadium.”

I must have been lucky enough to miss all those Brighton games over the past three seasons when ticketless fans have broken into the Amex or the Albion away section, as happened at Wembley that day. To try and link the two is incredible.

It will be fascinating to see what happens if Evan Ferguson scores a 98th minute winner, leading to an explosion of genuine joy and an inevitable surge as people genuinely lose their minds. Do the club really expect 3,000 Seagulls supporters to stand up and clap whilst shouting, “Jolly good show.”

Based on this new crackdown on bad behaviour, entire away ends for iconic Albion goals like Leonardo Ulloa at Nottingham Forest and any of Neal Maupay’s late levellers against Crystal Palace would be banned for life.

What makes this attempt by Brighton to curb hardcore behaviour like jumping around after a goal particularly enjoyable is the timing of it.

The email dropped into inboxes three days after the Albion lost 3-1 at home to arch rivals Crystal Palace. That result made it four games without a win, three of which came against opponents in the bottom six. Brighton have been crap since the first door on the advent calendar opened.

As a result, there is a strong chance the Stasi will not be able to punish anyone at West Ham for celebrating too vigorously. Because there won’t actually be anything to celebrate.

The Hammers seem to be improving after a difficult start to life under Julien Lopetegui. Brighton may not have lost at the London Stadium before, but Danny Welbeck ruled out through injury is a huge blow to their chances of extending that impressive record.

Fabian Hurzeler said in his pre-game press conference that Welbeck was “not in the best shape”. His six goals this season have been worth eight points. Take those away and the Albion would be below West Ham in the table. That is the difference Dat Guy makes.

There are questions over Brighton defensively too. Lewis Dunk has looked a shadow of his old self all season, but particularly since returning from injury at the start of the month.

Dunk replacing Igor Julio in the back four has coincided with the Albion not winning a game. Will Hurzeler have the spine to drop his captain and return Igor to the starting XI?

More pressingly, what can The Youngest Permanent Manager in Premier League History do to end this problematic habit Brighton have developed of conceding one goal followed by another within the next 10 minutes?

The trip to East London will be a real test of Hurzeler’s Albion. Just don’t go celebrating too wildly if Brighton pass it.

They know when you’ve been drinking, they watch you celebrate, they know if you’ve been bad or good so be good for goodness sake.