Bonjour Marseille, nous sommes à Brighton

The French you learn at school always struck me as being pretty pointless. What use, for example, is being able to say “I like to visit the cinema with my brother, my favourite food is pizza and I don’t like Coca Cola” whilst in Marseille about to watch Brighton in Europa League action?

One of my friends tried to spice up his GCSE speaking exam with some self-taught French. Practicing in the mocks, he told the teacher: “I do not like camping because it is for homosexuals.”

The somewhat startled and surprised teacher – a deputy head, no less – responded with: “Well, that is perfect French, but you can’t say it in your exam.” Turns out the early 2000s in a Mid Sussex secondary school was not the most enlightened of eras or places.

What French might be useful then ahead of the Albion taking to the field at the Stare Velodrome? “Run away, the Marseille ultras are coming” perhaps?

“How much does that stab proof vest cost?” Or what about “Watch out, that man is about to throw a firework at us.” All stuff sadly missing from the Year 8 and Year 9 lesson plan of 20 years ago.

Although to be fair, back then the prospect of Brighton taking on former Champions League winners Olympic de Marseille would have seemed as a ridiculous as a 16-year-old self-teaching themselves a ludicrous reason for disliking camping. In an incredible turn of events, both those things have now happened.

A trip to Turkey aside, Brighton could not have asked for much more of an intimidating place to play their first ever European away game than Stade Velodrome.

With its massive banks of sweeping terraces, the numerous different ultra groups dotted around and the canopy-style roof installed as part of improvement work for Euro 2016, it is one of the most atmospheric and impressive football stadiums in the world.

Ah yes, Euro 2016. Marseille of course was the scene of England v Russia. That was another time when English school French proved woefully inadequate for real life situations.

Such as getting chased around the city by Russians from one direction, the local immigrant population from another and Marseille ultras from a third.

Not many English speakers understood Je t’enfermerai dans mon bar pour ta propre protection, but thank God the friendly owner did lock us in his bar for our own protection.

It is in this context that Brighton supporters have been given a list of rules to follow whilst in Marseille. Do not wear club colours. Do not go to the port otherwise you will be arrested. Only travel to the game on special buses which will take you directly in and out of the away end.

Brian Owen has subsequently relayed that the Wednesday morning edition of L’Equipe reported Albion fans have a good reputation and that Marseille ultras have been asked to behave themselves. That should do the trick.

Another snippet from this morning’s papers. L’Equipe reporting Albion fans have a good reputation and that Marseille’s supporters groups have been asked to tell their members to behave themselves. #bhafc pic.twitter.com/FHZ9qa6cTs

— Brian Owen (@Brian__Owen) October 4, 2023

Aside from the potential pitfalls of playing Olympique de Marseille along with the many positives of being in the South of France (great weather, great food, great wine), at 5:45pm a game of football is going to break out.

It is one which OM do not come into in particularly good shape. They have won only two of 10 matches in all competitions so far this season following a tumultuous five months since finishing third in Ligue 1 last season.

Manager Igor Tudor resigned come the end of the campaign. His replacement Marcellino resigned after just seven games in charge, citing “intimidation, threats, insults and slander” from the more passionate elements of the OM fan base.

He is not the first boss to quit because of the Veldorome’s regulars, either. Including Tudor before him, four Marseille managers have resigned in the past three years.

The mind boggles imagining how Graham Potter would get on given 50 Brighton supporters booing a ninth game without a win sent him into meltdown.

In response to all this, Marseille owner Frank McCourt has appointed notorious AC Milan hardman Gennaro Gattuso, a bloke famous for not taking any shit.

Given that Gattuso’s antics on the sidelines make Roberto De Zerbi look like a timid kitten in comparison, expect there to be fireworks between the two Italians in the dugout as well as in the stands.

Brighton of course have their own problems of sorts. For the first time in almost 12 months, the Albion have suffered back-to-back defeats.

Exiting the Carabao Cup at the hands of Chelsea was no disaster. Whilst the Seagulls could have enjoyed a decent run in the competition – especially with Manchester City out – it was fourth in their list of priorities for the campaign.

More troubling was the 6-1 defeat to Aston Villa at the weekend. Every time Vila came forward they looked like they were going to score.

Brighton were too lightweight in midfield, offered little threat going forward and made a set of catastrophic errors at the back. Everything that could go wrong, went wrong.

There is reason to be optimistic ahead of Brighton against Marseille, however. Other than OM’s managerial merry-go-round, their biggest weakness runs through the spine of their team too.

An ailing Marseille midfield should not be able to overrun the Albion in the same way Villa did. Nor do OM possess a forward with the traits and talent of Ollie Watkins.

34-year-old Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang leads their line and has come in for a fair amount of criticism since joining from Chelsea to replace Alexis Sanchez, who moved to Inter Milan in the summer.

The biggest reason to expect a Brighton backlash from the Villa debacle against Marseille though is because De Zerbi has promised it. And when De Zerbi promises something, the Albion normally make good on it.

We have been before. The debacle of losing 5-1 at home to Everton saw De Zerbi guarantee a reaction. Three days later and Brighton won 3-0 at the Emirates to end the faint title hopes of Arsenal.

When the Seagulls went down 3-1 to West Ham in August, they bounced back by beating Newcastle United 3-1 – again after De Zerbi said it would be the case.

“I’m trying to manage the squad in a different way because not many players are used to so many games,” De Zerbi said holding court in the aftermath of the Villa game.

“I believe in my players and I have big confidence with the people inside the dressing room. We are suffering but today was not the true Brighton. On Thursday you will see another Brighton.”

Let us hope he is right.