Brighton 0-3 Burnley: When football is so bad it ends up being good

My favourite candidate in the new series of The Apprentice is Nick. His work as a guide during the tourist task in Wales led Sir Alan Sugar’s assistant Tim describing it as being “So bad it was good”, which is the exact phrase you could use to sum up Brighton 0-3 Burnley.

The Clarets arrived at the Amex bottom of the table having won once all season. Their away record contained a grand total of zero victories.

Brighton in contrast were still looking dreamingly up the table at a top six position, having lost one Premier League game since mid-December.

Whilst there is no such thing as a home banker in the Premier League, this looked on paper at least like one of the easiest games this season for the Albion to put three points on the board from.

As we all know however, Brighton rarely do easy. As the Burnley goals rained in and the Amex became increasingly empty to the point that there were less than 10,000 left by the full time whistle, there was something quite comforting in knowing that even this squad who look on course to record the club’s highest ever finish are not immune to the occasional Typical Brighton moment.

Everything that could go wrong, went wrong. If you were not laughing by the end, you would have been crying. From the pissing rain to Graham Potter’s team selection to Shane Duffy and Robert Sanchez getting involved in argy-bargy on the pitch, it was the worst Amex home game since Brighton 0-5 Plucky Little Bournemouth in April 2019.

The difference being that nobody came away from that hammering at the hands of the Cherries laughing. The Albion were deep in relegation trouble and ended the campaign surviving by the skin of their teeth. Chris Hughton paid for that with his job.

Brighton are allowed the odd off-day this time around in a campaign which has surpassed all expectations. Sitting in the top 10 means that when a defeat like Brighton 0-3 Burnley happens, it can be excused – even laughed off – because the players already have so much credit in the bank for their exploits over the previous seven months.

With Lewis Dunk suspended and Adam Webster out injured, Potter named a back four with Duffy and Joel Veltman as his central defensive partnership.

This ultimately proved to be a mistake for a number of reasons. Neither Duffy or Veltman coped particularly well with Burnley’s front two of Maxwel Cornet and Wout Weghorst. Had Potter gone with three centre backs, then the Albion would have had an extra man to help them deal with the Claret’s couple.

The formation also restricted the licence of Tariq Lamptey and Marc Cucurella to get forward, knowing that whenever they went tearing up the line, there was one less central defender to cover for them.

Without Lamptey and Cucurella on the charge, the Albion had absolutely no width as Potter crammed Yves Bissouma, Adam Lallana, Jakub Moder and Alexis Mac Allister – all central midfielders – into the same starting XI.

Lallana and Bissouma spent most of the first half playing far too deep. This had an impact on the Albion’s overall shape, leaving Danny Welbeck and Neal Maupay totally isolated up front.

The Pope in the Burnley goal was so underemployed that he could have made an early start on his Easter Sermon, the only shot on target that Brighton managed coming from a Duffy left footed scuff in the first half.

Bissouma in particular was below par. At Watford, Manchester United and now in Brighton 0-3 Burnley, he has been nowhere near the force of nature we know he can be.

He has also stormed off down the tunnel at full time on all three occasions, an unusual action for a player who loves the adulation of the crowd more than anyone else.

Bissouma’s agent is known to have been angling for a move for his client, presumably because a knock-down transfer fee as Bissouma enters the final 18 months of his contract means an increased signing on bonus which said agent will be privy to a share of.

There seems little prospect the midfielder will sign a new deal at the Amex. What we have witnessed over the past three games could be a bloke disillusioned that the £35 million bid the Albion received in January for his services was turned down.

Should that be the case, then Potter has an interesting dilemma with what to do with his best player over the remainder of the season.

Of course, it could just be a blip in form and Bissouma goes back to dominating games in the way he has in the past two years. Aston Villa at the Amex next week gives him an audition in front of the club who many suspect were behind that January attempt.

Enough of Bissouma, let’s get back to the fun and games on the pitch. Anybody who was five minutes late to their seat because of the travel chaos wrecked by the weather would have missed the visitors earn two corners in a fast start which offered a warning sign of what was to come in Brighton 0-3 Burnley.

Burnley then hit the bar in the 11th minute, a wind-assisted effort leaving Sanchez beaten before the woodwork rode to Brighton’s rescue.

The lead which the Clarets deserved arrived midway through the first half. A lot of fans and pundits sniff at Burnley’s style of football, writing them off as a long ball team which is not really fair.

Their opening goal was a case in point, coming from a lovely passing move. If the Albion had put something like it together, Brighton supporters would have been lauding Potter as the greatest manager in the world again.

One-touch passing released Roberts down the left. He skipped around Cucurella and played a low ball into the box swept clinically past Sanchez by Weghorst for his first goal in English football.

It took until 36 minutes for the Albion to register their one and only shot. Duffy came barrelling forward in a style more associated with Webster, only for his final effort with his weaker foot to have all the power of a piece of soggy bread.

A better chance arrived on a rare occasion when Lamptey made it into a dangerous position. He hung up a good right wing cross for Adam Lallana who met it with a flying diving header wide of Pope’s post.

Lallana had to hit the target at the very least. There is a reason though why he has only one Brighton goal to his name, despite being a regular scorer throughout his Southampton, Liverpool and England careers – the Albion have seemingly coached goals out of him.

What exactly happens at the training ground to turn previously reliable finishers into players who are a capable of astonishing misses on a frequent basis?

Next came the handbags between Sanchez and Duffy, neither man covering themselves in glory as Potter said afterwards.

More damaging than the unedifying sight of two teammates going Stone Cold Steve Austin v The Rock on each other was that the incident could be directly linked to the second Burnley goal which arrived minutes later.

Weghost turned provider to find Josh Brownhill. Duffy’s attempt to win the ball off Brownhill was atrocious, followed by a weak Brownhill shot that defied Sanchez after deflecting off Veltman.

Potter belatedly ditched the back four 10 minutes into the second half, adding the pace and directness of Leandro Trossard and Solly March from the bench.

March had a couple of threatening runs but still Pope was so unemployed that he could of performed Holy Communion for the 12 people who had bothered to come down from Burnley and watch.

That tiny away end was given further reason to cheer when it became Brighton 0-3 Burnley with 20 minutes still to play. Jay Rodriguez had received a frosty reception owing to his alleged racist abuse of Gaetan Bong three years ago.

Typically, Rodriguez ended up being involved in the goal. He combined with the excellent Weghost to tee up Aaron Lennon, rolling the years back to 2011 with a stunning effort from just inside the box which flew in via the bar.

“How shit must you be, we’re winning away,” sang the ecstatic Clarets fans. Very shit was the answer to that; so shit in fact, that all you could do was laugh and appreciate the absolute horror show just witnessed.