Bruno on Buildings: Where should the El Capitan mural be repainted?

One of the greatest crimes in the history of Brighton and Hove has taken place, with the ‘El Capitan’ mural of Bruno in the city centre being painted over.

In its place on the side of Gelato Gusto ice cream shop on the corner of Gardner Street and Church Street is a ghastly piece of promotion for some bloke called Ricardo Gold’s new single ‘Body Language’.

Ricardo has been subjected to a lot of abuse as a result of him taking Bruno’s place in the heart of the city. In something straight out of the playbook of Liverpool supporters, somebody has even launched a petition to bring Bruno back. “Disgraceful”, “fuming” and “Get on YouTube and dislike all Ricardo Gold’s videos so he knows how much we hate him” are all words and phrases being bandied about.

The mural was originally put up by Sky Sports to promote their coverage of the Premier League ahead of the 2017-18 season. It was only due to be up for two weeks, but proved so popular that it has lasted nearly two years and survived a vandalism attempt from Crystal Palace supporters who sprayed red paint over it before our 0-0 draw at the Amex in November 2017.

Now, we’re whispering this quietly given the outrage flying about and the amount of knickers that are getting in a twist, but it’s only a bit of graffiti artwork. And the good thing about graffiti artwork is that you can paint it virtually anywhere. Who gives a toss if some wanky singer with 44 Twitter followers painted over Bruno, when somebody can just go and put up an even bigger and better mural on the side of a building somewhere else?

With that in mind, we’ve come up with 10 ideas as to where a brand new El Capitan painting could go – including artists impressions of what it might look like.

The Amex

The Amex Stadium seems like the most obvious place for the Bruno mural to be brought back to life. There’s loads of space on the outside of the stadium to pay tribute to only the second man in Albion history to captain the club to promotion to the top flight – and given that we’ve had displays of Leon Knight, a man who actively wished relegation on us, and Guy Butters drinking from an oversized water bottle around the outside of the ground before, there’s no excuses not to honour Bruno in this way.
 

The Royal Pavilion

Brighton’s favourite player on Brighton’s favourite landmark. The Royal Pavilion is synonymous with the city (unless you’re from the English Defence League and think it’s a mosque) so it would be a fitting place for a new Bruno mural. Conservationists and historians might say that it would ruin an historical building, but given that George, Prince of Wales who built it was an extravagant chap, we imagine he’d love seeing Bruno on the side of his palace.
 

Molly Malones

There are two reasons as to why Bruno being painted on the side of Molly Malones would be an excellent idea. The first is that it is one of the best party pubs in the city despite its location on the notorious West Street. The second is that with El Capitan staring down from above the door, it might make Shane Duffy and Dale Stephens think twice about spending quite as much of their time in there.
 

Seven Sisters Cliffs

Sussex is known for its beautiful countryside and one of the most famous sights is the Seven Sisters Cliffs, where the River Cuckmere meanders into the English Channel at Birling Gap between Seaford and Eastbourne. There wouldn’t be a more beautiful location for Bruno to be painted than on the chalk face, looking across the sea as protector of all Sussex.
 

Selhurst Park

You don’t need us to tell you how disgusting Selhurst Park is. Crystal Palace’s run-down relic from the 1960’s obviously needs much more than a lick of paint to upgrade it, but the addition of a Bruno mural would add a touch of class and sophistication to an area that is so horrible that its own residents tried to burn it down several years ago, lest we forget. The painting could even include a nice little message to remind Palace fans how many points the Albion took off them this season.
 

Buckingham Palace

The Bruno mural features El Capitan wearing a crown due to his royalty status in Brighton and Hove, so where better to repaint him than on the front of Buckingham Palace? Imagine the next time the Queen is celebrating a Jubilee or there is a wedding and the Royal Family come onto the balcony. It’s already a glorious sight that is watched and enjoyed by people around the world which could become even greater with a massive mural of Bruno in the picture.
 

Església de Sant Pere, El Masnou

Bruno hails from the coastal town of El Masnou in Catalonia, just to the north east of Barcelona. According to the ever reliable Wikipedia, this church called Església de Sant Pere is the most famous landmark in El Masnou, so this would be an excellent place to pay homage to El Capitan in his home town. It could also provide a boost to local tourism as Albion fans flock there to see the repainted mural in all its glory.
 

The Statue of Liberty

The Statue of Liberty is one of the most famous landmarks in the world, which makes it a prime candidate for spreading the love of Bruno. The Albion have developed strong links with New York over the years with the Robert Eaton Memorial Fund doing great work with underprivileged kid’s football teams in the city. We think that mad singing Yank also comes from NYC. He’d probably love a mural in his home town.
 

The Taj Mahal

A new, bigger and better Bruno mural could be used to attract new supporters from emerging football markets to follow the Albion. Take India for example. Brighton have already had a crack at it by hosting a fan event there when last season’s home game with Everton was ludicrously moved to a Sunday lunchtime so it could be broadcast live on the subcontinent. Perhaps the next step to generating interest in the Seagulls would be by painting Bruno onto the front of the Taj Mahal? It’s got to be a better option of boosting our following than spending £17m signing someone as shit as Alireza Jahanbakhsh again just to sell some shirts in Iran.
 

Table Mountain

We’re all eagerly anticipating the debut of Percy Tau in a Brighton shirt, and what better way to celebrate the Lion of Judah’s arrival and our subsequent Champions League victory a few seasons later than with a double mural of Bruno and Tau on South Africa’s Table Mountain. It would represent the great past of our club with Bruno and the great future we have when the Lion of Judah is banging in 50 goals a season. Amen.