Brighton’s Harry Potter XI

Well, our promise not to make any terrible Harry Potter related jokes following the Albion’s appointment of Graham Potter as their new manager didn’t last very long.

But how could anybody possible resist when the idea of a Harry Potter Albion XI pops into their head? Especially when there are so many Albion players from past and present to mine for the starting XI, being managed of course by our very own Potter.

Mark Dumbledormerod

Albus Dumbledore was headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and one of the greatest wizards ever to have lived. It’s a shame that Mark Ormerod wasn’t quite that good during his four seasons in goal for the Albion in the late 1990s. He did however play in that final game of the 1996-97 season away at Hereford United, an escape from relegation as every bit as impressive as when Dumbledore got out of his locked office despite the presence of a team of Aurors who were trying to arrest him at the time.
 

The Leaky Calderon

Oh, how we miss Inigo Calderon. He had six brilliant season with Brighton, becoming one of the most popular Albion players of all time. There was absolutely nothing leaky about the defensive side of his game either, unlike The Leaky Cauldron Pub which provides the entry point to Diagon Alley, London’s wizarding community.
 

Guy Buttersbeer

It’s probably fair to say that Guy Butters liked a beer in his playing days, and who can blame him coming from an era where defending was as no nonsense as a pint of John Smiths? But would he have liked his wizarding world namesake, a Butterbeer? Given that it’s not actually alcoholic, probably not. We know we wouldn’t – unless we were drinking it on a date with Hermione Granger.
 

Sirius Blackwell

Sirius Black had a pretty bad time of it, all thing considered. He was sent to jail for betraying James and Lily Potter to Lord Voldemort, murdering their friend Peter Pettigrew and blowing up twelve Muggles – none of which he actually did. He then escaped from jail, had to live as a dog for a few years and then died anyway when he fell through a mirror. We were probably still more upset when Dean Blackwell had to retire through injury though after just 21 Brighton appearances as he was a class act from the moment Steve Coppell brought him to the club in October 2002.
 

Liam Hagridgewell

Can you imagine if the half-giant Hagrid was actually a defender? His pace might let him down, but he wouldn’t lose anything in the air and there’d be no repeat of the bullying that Lewis Dunk and Shane Duffy took from Aleksandar Mitrović in the Albion’s 4-2 defeat at Fulham back in January. As a humble individual who lives in a hut on the ground of Hogwarts, he probably wouldn’t wipe his arse on £50 notes like Liam Ridgewell once did. Still, Ridgewell was an impressive performer for the Albion during his brief loan spell from Vancouver Whitecaps in the second half of the 2015-16 season.
 

Gilderoy Knockaert

There is so much in common between Gilderoy Lockhart and Anthony Knockaert that it’s tough to know where to start. They both like to be the centre of attention, they are both very petulant and they are both quite talented when they put their minds to it. Lockhart only lasted a year as Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher so Knockaert does at least have more staying power than him, although presumably Lord Voldermort hasn’t put a curse on the Albion’s right wing position as he did with that teaching role at Hogwarts.
 

The Half-Blood Ince

The mystery of who the Half-Blood Prince was dragged on for at least a year at Hogwarts. Harry Potter found the Prince’s potions book which contained within it all kind of hints and tips scribbled in the margins, all of which helped to turn Harry into the best in his class at the subject. Rohan Ince had a similar transformation in footballing ability to Harry’s in potion making ability. Nobody had heard of Ince until Oscar Garcia pitched him into the first team at the start of the 2013-14 season with fantastic results as he went onto win Young Player of the Year. Severus Snape was eventually revealed to be the Half-Blood Prince and you have to wonder whether Ince had a little book of tricks of his owns which made him such a good player for one season before falling out of favour. He is currently without a club.
 

Whomping Willow Buckley

The Whomping Willow was a tree capable of terrible devastation as it had the ability to move and smash up anything that got near it, as Arthur Weasley’s flying Ford Anglia discovered to its cost. Will Buckley used to have a similar effect on opposition defences during his time with the Albion, popping up with some vital goals – none more so that his famous double to beat Doncaster Rovers 2-1 in the first game at the Amex.
 

Nearly Hemedless Nick

Tomer Hemed scored a fair few of his 33 Albion goals with his head, which means that if he was nearly headless like Gryffindor house ghost Nearly Headless Nick he’d have been nowhere near as effective. He’d also have presumably been a ghost, which means he wouldn’t be able to score with any part of his body actually. Not much use to anyone then.
 

Bobby Zamorauderers Map

“I solemnly swear that I am up to no good”. Just like the Marauders Map, Bobby Zamora was often up to mischief. Rather than wrecking havoc by being able to sneak around Hogwarts whilst knowing exactly where everyone was, he caused his trouble in amongst opposition defences as one of the greatest strikers ever to play for Brighton, notching 84 goals across two different spells with the club. Mischief managed, indeed.
 

Nathan Elder Wand

If Nathan Elder was as powerful as the Elder Wand, then we’d have signed a hell of a good player from Billericay Town for £10,000. Whilst the Elder Wand was responsible for the downfall of Dumbledore and Lord Voldermort, Nathan managed to score two league goals in 22 games against Cheltenham Town and Oldham Athletic before he was sold onto Brentford after only a year at Withdean. Not quite the same, is it?