The Great Brighton and Hove Albion Bake Off

In the eight years since it first appeared on our televisions, The Great British Bake Off has become one of the most popular programmes in the country.

12 amateur cooks battle it out over the course of 10 weeks for one of the most coveted prizes in television. The 2018 final is live on Channel 4 tonight and can expect to pull in nearly 10 million viewers.

All of which got us thinking – what would happen if there was a Great Brighton and Hove Albion Bake Off? How would an Apple Pie Butters go down? Or a Matthew Upsondown Cake? How about a Chocolate Gateau’Grady?

We’ve come up with 12 different cakes that could make the cut in the Great Albion Bake Off.

Matthew Upsondowncake

The Matthew Upsondowncake comes from a recipe that has been around for years. While many people may write it off as being too old fashioned, it’s a dependable cake that will never let you down.
 

Roland Battenbergkamp

The Roland Battenbergkamp comes with high hopes due to it’s close resemblance to one of the best cakes in the world, the Dennis Battenbergkamp. Ultimately though, it’s trading off the Battenbaergkamp name and isn’t actually that tasty.
 

Tommy Cookie

A recipe from before virtually any of us were born, the Tommy Cookie is a legendary cake that remains one of the best in Brighton and Hove Albion Bake Off history. It’s record that has stood for nearly 100 years speaks for itself.
 

Chocolate Gateau’Grady

The Chocolate Gateau’Grady was made as a replacement for a much more popular Argentinian cake. Unfortunately, it was nowhere near as good as it’s predecessor and as a result was much mocked, even failing to please the taste-buds of those further down the food chain.
 

Liam Gingerbreadcutt

This cake arrives severely underrated but quickly establishes itself as one of the best in the competition. Unfortunately, that success gives it ideas above its station and it angles for a promotion to be tried by more discerning clients, which ends in disaster. In short, Liam Gingerbreadcutt is a cake that thinks it is better than it is.
 

Hot Crossby Bun

Not just for Easter, the Hot Crossby Bun is another solid if unspectacular choice. The sort of cake that you don’t realise quite how good it is until you don’t eat it for a while. It’s also proven to be very good for ears.
 

Pain au Chocoluaua

On first taste, the Pain au Chocolualua is a breath of fresh hair and one of the most exciting cakes in the competition – but after a while it gets stale, becomes too predictable and some of it’s antics can leave a bad taste in the mouth.
 

Flapjack Harper

The Flapjack Harper is a cake from Spain that arrives with much fanfare due to it’s creation in a top Madrid bakery. Unfortunately, it turns out to be rubbish and doesn’t even make it onto the table in the competition.
 

Andy Swiss Rollings

A classic from the 1980’s, the Swiss Rollings is a throwback to the glory days of the competition. Fans of the Great Brighton and Hove Albion Bake Off can flock to a cafe in Preston Park where the Swiss Rollings does a roaring trade.
 

Apple Pie Butters

When the first Apple Pie Butters was made, it was huge – way too big for one man to eat, attracting much scorn as a result. It took nearly a year for the recipe to be perfected to a manageable size, after which it became one of the most popular cakes of modern times.
 

Rami Meringue

It was during a cake crisis in 2005 when a dependable Dutch cake and a flash-in-the-pan cake from Blackburn both ended up in the bin that we first saw the Rami Meringue. It didn’t last long either, eventually being discarded in favour of another cake from Southampton.
 

Spotted Dick Knight

The saviour of the competition, the Spotted Dick Knight arrived when baking was at it’s all time low. A cake that changed everything, he bought popularity back to baking and nursed it through a difficult period, allowing other cakes to flourish long after it’s gone.