How to host an Albion Halloween Party

There is no holiday or event that the Albion won’t cash in on these days, and a Halloween Party is no exception for Paul Barber and his merry band of marketing men.

The Amex is holding a Halloween Disco this year in Dick’s Bar. The club are billing it is “offering Young Seagulls the chance to experience the spookiest day of the year at the Amex Stadium, with a special Halloween disco.”

It’s an evening spooktacular fun, which includes a disco, ghostly games and a best dressed competition that’s open to all ages!!!!!

There is no mention of any frights for the adults in attendance, but sticking a compilation of second half of last season on some of the screens in the bar should cover that base.

It all sounds great, doesn’t it? Except we think the club are missing a trick here. If they want to put on a real Albion Halloween Party, then they need to host it in an Ian Hauntedhouse full of Adam Cobwebsters, get someone dressed as a Darren Demon, carve out some Johnny Pumpkins (Football Genius) and make sure it all takes place under a Craig Full Moon.

Here’s what you need to throw the ultimate Brighton Halloween Party

Ian Hauntedhouse

One of the absolute basics needed for a Halloween Party is the traditional haunted house – or in this case an Ian Hauntedhouse, run by former defender of the late 1990’s turned coach, Ian Culverhouse.
 

Craig Full Moon

Supernatural and paranormal activity always tends to happen under a Craig Full Moon. Step forward Craig Noone, whose cheeky little face will form the Man in the Moon legend, presuming he isn’t too busy working on Steven Gerrard’s roof.
 

Ian Bairdwolf

A Craig Full Moon in the sky would also lead to striker Ian Baird’s transformation into Ian Bairdwolf, a dangerous individual who fights and maims. Just like he did when scrapping with Darren Moore to become the last Brighton player to be sent off at the Goldstone in the ground’s final ever game against Doncaster Rovers in 1997.
 

Zombie Zamora

Twelve years after disappearing from Brighton and Hove Albion, Bobby Zamora rose again to start scoring goals for the Seagulls. It is no coincidence it had happened in the run up to Halloween in 2016, making him the perfect zombie. Step forward, Zombie Zamora.
 

Nathan Bones

Zombie Zamora wasn’t the only thing to return from the double winning title squad of 2001-02 over a decade on – Nathan Jones also did as first team coach. Every Halloween celebration needs a skeleton, so who better than Nathan Bones?
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Stuart Mummy

Nobody seems to know what happened to full back Stuart Munday after he scored from the halfway line away at Premier League Leicester City in the League Cup and then left the club in the mid 1990s, so we can only presume he has been mummified, turning into Stuart Mummy and is now waiting for a triumphant Halloween return.
 

The Alex Devil

What creature could possibly raise all these unnatural beings from the dead and then unleash them on the Amex? There is only one powerful enough to do so and he is the scariest of the lot, especially when he is going mad in front of the Withdean South Stand after netting a hat-trick for the Albion against Bournemouth – the Alex Devil.
 

Darren Demon

Alex Devil can’t do all the work himself, he needs his minions from Hell to help. And in this case he has called upon the most loyal of them all. So powerful he scored the first goal of the Millennium and a hat-trick in the first ever game at Withdean during his time with the Albion, Darren Freeman is the Darren Demon.
 

Sam Warlock

With all this evil floating around, we need a creature with a little bit of good magic in him to fight off Alex Devil, Darren Demon and their crew. Something like a Sam Warlock, a good soul whose work is severely underrated.
 

Inigo Cauldron

Sam Warlock might have his hands full, for it isn’t just supernatural creatures you need to be aware of on Halloween. There are witches abound everywhere as well, brewing up potions and trouble in their Inigo Cauldrons.
 

Peter Wand

Of course the witches main instrument of terror is her Peter Wand which can cast spells and cause destruction all over the world. Much like Peter Ward did to defences every time he pulled on a Brighton shirt in the 1970s.
 

Chris Black Cattlin

It can be a solitary life for a witch, casting spells and making general mischief. That is why you rarely see one without their ever faithful companion – a Chris Black Cattlin. No Halloween would be complete without one.
 

Jurgen Lospider

Do you know what else a Halloween wouldn’t be complete without? That most scary of creatures, the one thing you never want to find in your bath tub or playing in your starting XI. The Jurgen Lospider.
 

Adam Cobwebster

Jurgen Lospider needs somewhere to live, and that place is in his own Adam Cobwebster. You might baulk at the initial price of a cobwebster, but after having one in your Ian Hauntedhouse for a few weeks you’ll begin to realise very quickly just what a bargain it actually is.
 

Jake Forster-Casket

With so many creatures of the spirit world and so much death around, where can you put them once you have captured them? The best place is undoubtedly locked tight within the confides of a Jake Forster-Casket, buried deep under ground. There is no escape either, seeing as the Forster-Casket can only pass sideways.
 

John Pumpkin

Of course an Albion Halloween Party doesn’t have to be all scary – one of the better traditions that the entire family can get involved in is creating a John Pumpkin – a pumpkin in which the face of Johnny Crumplin Football Genius is carved.